Back in Rome. It is 98 degrees here today. Everyone looks wilted. Trying to minimize time in the heat as much as possible.

We were supposed to tour the Vatican before our cruise, but the tour was canceled because of all the hoopla surrounding the new Pope and the Jubilee. So today is our make-up tour.

Vatican Dress Code

Covering your shoulders is a requirement at the Vatican, so we packed scarves specifically for this tour. However, Anna forgot her scarf at the hotel this am, so now we own this high-quality Chaneel street-scarf.

Dante wrote a book about touring the Vatican in June. It’s called, “Inferno”. And each level and corridor of the Vatican Museums represents a different level of Hell. There’s also a bonus circle of Hell: the Vatican gift shops (read on).

Today’s Vatican tour was one of the most miserable tourist experiences I have ever had. If you’ve known me for any amount of time, you know two things I absolutely hate are being hot and crowds.

I booked a “semi-private” Vatican tour that was supposed to skip the line. We got a 10 person group and the super fun (and relentlessly sunny) experience of standing in a “skip the line” line that stretched around the Vatican walls.

We haven’t even gotten inside and this experience is on my last good nerve.

Sweltering Heat and Humanity

You might think (as I did) that museums housing priceless pieces of art would be climate controlled. But you would be wrong. No A/C. Each section of the museum was hotter than the last. A Finnish sauna would have been cooler.

Then: I’m not sure I can find the words to describe how many fucken people were in that space today. Just wall to wall humanity. You cannot stop to look at anything (they yell at you to keep moving). You are herded through like cattle. It was awful.

I honestly have no idea what I saw today. Our guide was saying words, but I cannot process words at temperatures above 85 degrees. We walked through the Sistene Chapel, surfing a sea of humanity while being yelled at by guards to BE SILENT AND NO PHOTOS!!

I’m sweating. I’m nauseous. Strangers are touching me. I can’t see a path out of the horde. There are smells. Hot smells. Hot body smells. And bad European cologne. And someone who really needs a bathroom.

Trying to get OUT of the Vatican was almost impossible. I counted seven gift shops before we got to the exit. Seven. We do not need a Vatican keychain.

What we need is a beer. And a shower.

Saluti!

Travel date: June 23, 2025