We’ve been traveling for the past 2-1/2 weeks – on our first river cruise – to Eastern Europe. A wonderful trip, but now it’s time to pay the “travel tax” – the process of re-entry: unpacking, laundry, mail, groceries, seeing which of my plants survived being neglected for 2-1/2 weeks, etc. So, while I catch up and get my life together, please enjoy this Highlight Real experience we had with Bolt (Baltic Uber) in Vilnius, Lithuania:

After a full day of walking (and walking, and then more walking) we were all exhausted, so we decided to call a Bolt to take us back to our hotel. I specifically ordered an XL car – the Bolt app indicated this would hold 6 adults. Super. We’re 5 adults. This will be perfect.

Except it wasn’t.

Every other time I’ve ordered an XL on Uber or Bolt, some kind of minivan situation has shown up. This Bolt arrives, and it’s a Toyota Speck. I know that’s not a Toyota model, but I’m painting a picture here. The car was definitely not an XL. It wasn’t even a L. A generous M would have been a stretch.

Our driver gets out, scans the five of us, and proudly puts up a “third row seat”, which was basically a padded shelf in the trunk. I’m traveling with four men – guess where I got to sit?

I smush in and find myself sitting next to a basket of – oh my god what’s that smell – I think that’s dirty laundry. Very dirty laundry. There might be socks in there from the Breshnev era. Can I still get out of this car?? Nope, too late. Everyone else squeezes in, overlapping shoulders, like a bad game of Baltic Tetris. Then our driver gets in and closes the door.

The smell. It’s getting worse.

It’s some unholy mix of body odor, stale cigarettes, and despair. We are trapped in a Baltic Uber with a man who has not showered since Soviet times. I don’t know whether it’s better to breathe through my nose or my mouth. Both seem like bad options.

But Wait, There’s More

We can’t get the windows to roll down and when we ask him to roll them down, he says it’s too cold. Too cold?!? Sir, my nose hairs are melting.

Is he taking the long way? I’m pretty sure he’s taking the long way. My eyes are watering now. And I think I’m itchy.

We finally get back to our hotel, and unfolded ourselves from this olfactory prison. And then, we all took XL showers. And celebrated the glory of the two pillars of personal hygiene: soap and deodorant.

The moral of the story: if you order an XL Bolt/Uber, the XL could refer to the size of the car – or the smell.

Cheers!

Postscript: Ken would like it to be known that he would have preferred to walk the 3 miles back to the hotel, but deferred to the group. And then he spent the entire ride screaming internally: ISHOULDHAVEWALKED! ISHOULDHAVEWALKED!

When I come up for air, I will start posting about our trip. Stay tuned!